Hey. You're not busy, are you? You are? Yeah, I'm feeling kinda lonely and needy right now, so I'm still gonna bug you. Are you listening? How about now? Hey, pay attention to me. Okay, now that you're paying attention to me I've lost all interest in you. I'm gonna go over here now and take a nap, but I'll be back later when I want something.

You see what you just did there? You woke me up from my nap with the sound of your typing, so naturally I must exact my revenge. I hope you haven't become too attached to this particular copy of Pride and Prejudice because it's totally mine now and believe me, I've got plans for it. Chapters 5 and 7 shall henceforth be stricken from the volume since I feel compelled to chew on them, while a portion of Chapter 6 seems fit to sharpen my nails. I bet you wish you wouldn't have typed so loud now.

Alright, all of that destruction worked up quite a hunger in me. You should be prepared to meet my specific demands for dinner. I'll assume you can read my thoughts concerning this subject. Should you give me something other than what I happen to desire at the exact moment when you bring me the food, I will roundly refuse it and catalog that particular failure for future retribution.

Ahem, you may or may not have noticed that I have a nagging itch on this spot I could easily scratch myself. No, not there, or there. Damn it, do I have to do everything myself? Look, just move your fingers in a scratching motion and I'll position myself wherever I happen to need the service. Useless, you're just useless. Ooh, that feels nice, though. Hey, why'd you stop? Don't tell me I'm going to have to ask that very same question ten times in succession, because I'm prepared to do just that.

Excuse me, would you mind letting me investigate what's behind this door? Yes, I'm aware I've been in there many, many times before and there was nothing at all interesting to be found. And yes, I also recall that the last time I went in there something gave me quite a profound scare, but that doesn't change anything. You see, I really must go in there right now. It's the principle of the matter. You're not going to let me in this time? Fine. It's your funeral.

I'm going to bathe myself in front of you while you eat. You won't mind, I'm sure. When I'm done I'll probably do my usual nightly routine. You know, roll around the floor just 'cuz, maybe sit at the window plotting the excruciating death of that blasted squirrel who has had the unbelievable gall to poke around in my tree, then probably have a treat or two. By the by, you should probably have those treats at the ready.